Like Father, Like Daughter
To all the good fathers out there, I would like to take a moment to wish you all a Happy Father’s Day. It is your day. I honor, celebrate, and appreciate every single one of you. Society has a way of making it seem like fathers don’t matter, but the truth is they DO matter. Shout it from the mountain tops, to the valleys low - fathers are important in the lives of their children. Fathers today deserve much more credit than what they actually receive. I feel that I am extremely blessed to have my father in my life but this hasn’t always been the case. For as long as I’ve known myself I’ve been a daddy’s girl. In my eyes, my father could do no wrong. He wasn’t perfect and I was okay with that because I wasn’t looking for him to be perfect. All I wanted was for him to be there for me, to love me unconditionally, and to be proud of me. The need for those three things would impact my life significantly as I grew up.
By the time I turned twenty, I was married and had a beautiful baby girl. I was married to my then husband for months before I was able to tell my father, even though I was old enough to get married. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take the news. Back in those days, my father was the law. What he said went, and there was no need for conversation because I was the child and he was the parent and that was that. There was no need to hear my voice. What could I have said that he would have actually heard? My relationship with my father was non-existent for years after revealing my marriage and I wasn’t in communication with any of my family members. Unfortunately, he had to hear about the birth of his first grandchild from someone else. I will always regret that.
Fast forward a couple of years and I’m going through a heart shattering divorce with three kids who needed me not to fall apart. There were so many times that I wanted to reach out to my dad, but I couldn’t because I was ashamed and felt like a complete failure. Eventually, I mustered enough courage to reach out to him and I was surprised that he actually spoke to me after all that I had put him through. My girls compelled me to reach out to him because I believed in my heart of hearts that my girls needed to know their grandfather. I needed to look him in the eyes and see the love he once had for me. I wasn’t expecting to receive his forgiveness because at that time I didn’t believe I deserved it. After all, I was the defiant black sheep daughter who broke his heart and shattered all the dreams he had for me.
The other day I had a revelation that hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m more like my dad in more ways than I would like to admit. I’ve been in denial for years. I got my stubbornness from him, and temper too. But of course I’d never tell him these things.
No matter how many times I’ve heard it, the old saying is true “time heals all wounds”. My father absolutely adores his grandchildren and our relationship by the grace of God is on good terms. My girls love their grandfather and I have to set the record straight by reminding them that he is my dad first and after that he’s their grandfather. Basically, I’m first in line to monopolize his time. LOL. Of course they disagree with that but the truth is the truth, there’s just no going around it. My relationship with my father is a symbol of hope for me. Hope that things can change in a relationship if you’re willing to put in the work and extend forgiveness. Dad, I love you and I look forward to making more memories with you. Maybe you’ll get to walk your daughter down the aisle one day. Mere words could never express just how much that would mean to me.
